i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
