New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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