Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
