I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
