ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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