you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The air taste purple.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
