I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
