in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I look better un-naked...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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