The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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