Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize