My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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