I love black thongs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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