I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They are going to name an STD after you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
