Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
