areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
