Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
