I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
