Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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