peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
