wanna go halves on a baby?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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