we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
