trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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