Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
