you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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