Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
