I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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