well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
