you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
