I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
