If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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