I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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