a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
