yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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