he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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