youre lurking in front of me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
