id be glad to
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
