He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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