watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
