Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
