so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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