and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
