we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
