i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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