Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Less talking, more tequila
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
