Barsexuality is the new black.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
