He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
