she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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