I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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