one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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