we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
