And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have fence marks all over my body
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
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