You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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