I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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