**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
