Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
