is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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