I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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