for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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