sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
MIDGETS
????
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
