I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
