We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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