Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
