Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
