my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
