ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
