Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
