The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just pee around me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
