hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How's work?
Spinning.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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