yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
