And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I love black thongs
If that was your dad, he is hot
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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