Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
