Need sex. Gaining weight.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
