Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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