i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
