My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
